Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
