My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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