Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
