So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
