i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
