Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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