am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
