And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
