i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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