I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
