Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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