If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
