she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
