Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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