we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
