I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
