He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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