I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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