Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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