the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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