i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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