Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
