we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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