Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
