Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How does one acquire holy water?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
