I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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