Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
