he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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