Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
