It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
