my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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