I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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