I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
