Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
