I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
