btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
