She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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