I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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