I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
