well you can't waste a boner
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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