so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
