Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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