I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
