Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
