They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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