I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
