Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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