dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
