im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
