I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
