____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
whose ass print is on the piano?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
