I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
someone threw a dead crab at me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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