Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
