check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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