ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
