Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
