My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
