Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
