I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He felt like a one man threesome
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
