Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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