the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm like, not good at living.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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