Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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