everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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