Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
