Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
