please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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