I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
