she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
