exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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