It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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