i don't like sucking hair
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
