I met the friendliest cop last night
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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